Sexy?!?!

I'm one of "those" women.
The kind that emphatically will state "it's not sexy".
The person who will look at crazy if you even attempt to deny the sheer athleticism in pole.

I don't dance for some outside source to enjoy me.
I dance for me.
I move for me.

Today is a Sunday, and it was pretty fucking lazy.  I was getting just really down, so I decided to pole.  Of course.  My husband took the opportunity to play some guitar while I worked out.  I did my warm ups, I did my climbs, I did my abs and my stretches.  I did my lunges and squats.  I did my handstands and worked on my caterpillar and layback. 

But, I wanted to dance.  Sporadically throughout his guitaring, I would twirl around, toss out my leg, so some spins and poses.  However he wasn't exactly playing songs I really wanted to get into.....so I just asked him to play one of my faves on the ipod.  He put on Eminem, "Shake that ass"

This is where shit went from "typical cohabitation with our interests" to "holy fuck". 
See, my husband, has never actually SEEN me pole dance.
I'll show him the moves I'm working on, I'll show him the spins and poses I've finally gotten...but he's never watched me out and out dance.

So there was the starting beat, and like any other pole day, I let it in, all the way down to my toes.  They instinctively went to the dance point, and I sauntered up to the pole.
It was at this point I asked my husband (who was staring at me) to please focus on his guitar....which he began to play something to enhance the song...it was great.

Honestly at this point, I don't really know what all I did, I don't choreograph it, I freestyle.  I know I did some attitude spins, I did some hook and rolls.  I was spinning around the pole, doing dips and letting my hips sway to the beats busting out of my boombox....I could feel the sweat and my heart beating fast. 
I do know that with this particular song, I shake my ass, quite a bit.  I do it fast, I do it slow.  I slide down the pole into a very low squat and work my hips.  I lean back with one arm on the pole and body roll.  I mean, it's hard not to do all of this with that song.  Have you heard the lyrics?  Have you heard the beat? 

I finished the song and my husband just diverted his eyes from me.  I knew he had something on his mind, but didn't want to upset me.  Obviously he thought I looked really bad and didn't want to tell me I looked like a fish flopping out of water.

But he didn't.  He said that he knew I didn't feel like it was "sexy" and I don't dance for it to be....that in my head, I'm just dancing....but "holy shit, that was sexy as fuck baby.....I didn't know you could move like that". 
And then I felt slightly weird and laughed, because, I'm NOT sexy.  I was suddenly very self aware and didn't exactly enjoy it (although I was glad that he didn't think I sucked, lol)  He wanted to video me doing the dance so he could show everyone.  And for a few hours after that he kept mentioning how it was stuck in his head, and how much he enjoyed it.

I'm glad he did, I guess.  I'm not sure.  I know that I'll have to be ok with people watching me dance if I ever hope to compete.....but, it was very confusing to hear him say what I was doing was sexy and he enjoyed it.  (Cause I certainly don't see what he was seeing!)  He wants me to put it up on my blog.  I'm debating it.....only a handful of people actually read this anyway, so I don't see the harm I guess....

My husband saw me dance for the very first time in 4 months of poling. 
And he said it was sexy.

Personal Changes

This is just a real quick update on things for me.

I have decided to postpone getting a second pole for right now, as well as postpone getting my Medusa tattoo.  Both things are extremely important to me, however, I have chosen a different path for my finances.

I am not ready to really discuss what I will be venturing into, but it is big, and exciting, and scary.  I will be saving every extra penny that we have, and the plan is that early next year it will be happening :) 

I will be much more open about everything as the time draws near, and very open and honest in the days after, but due to negative outlooks and comments, I will be keeping mum.  I really don't care to hear people's opinions or how they wouldn't do that, or whatever the fuck they have to say.  I don't give a shit, hence why I'm not spilling until after :P 

I WILL state that it is in no way me having another baby!  That chapter is closed for us, and as soon as possible we are ensuring that permanently!  I love my kids, but my "baby phase" is o-v-e-r and frankly I'm ready to move on to enjoying the life I get to have with older children :) 

In the meantime, I'm still going to be working on my 50mm here at home, and then starting pole class in September.  Much excite there!

On a pole related note, yesterday I attempted and managed to hold the crucifix pose (just a few seconds each time, but still counts!)

The top of my foot has a bruise (surprise surprise right?) and my shin....it's not bruised, but it's headed that way the more I do this.  Oh well, at this point in the poling game, I'm shocked if I come away without a bruise.  I kinda think that would mean that I didn't train hard enough and I would walk right back in there and kick the pole to feel like I accomplished something!  HA! 

I can't express to you how much I love doing my pole fitness.  There is something about getting lost in the spins and poses, figuring out how to connect them in beautiful, flowing, organic ways to create something amazing with music. 

I really hope that one day I can become an instructor and share my love for pole with others <3 p=""> 

Pole Class

When I first decided to start pole dancing/fitness, the idea of going to a class was intimidating.  Yes, I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that everyone in the beginner class would be new to pole.  That everyone would look awkward and some probably wouldn't even be able to do a single spin like me. 

But the real issue wasn't how BAD I was.  The issue was my weight.  My size. 

Yes, pole dance is for everybody.  every body.  I see that on just about every pole page I visit.  I have even seen some fabulous women that pole dance (and are pretty advanced in moves) and they weigh more than I do (based on their statements of weight)

So, obviously weight/size isn't a huge deal in the pole dancing community.  Obviously larger girls are able to pull off inversions, pole climbing, and spins. 

I've spent the past few months working on pole at home, by myself.  I'm past the beginner moves, and working on my intermediate stuff.  I have lost some weight, but I'm still big (I'm ok with being big, I'll ALWAYS be big, lol)  But, I find myself wanting to start a pole class.

I want to talk with other people who love the pole as much as I do.
I want to watch other people learn.
I want to get advice and help from someone who has been poling longer than I have.
I want to help my fellow pole lovers advance by offering my advice.

I can't start a pole class until September.  But I look forward to it....it's on my countdown of awesome things to happen (including my Medusa tattoo)

Fear

Unfortunately, I'm filled with it when it comes to poling, and it really affects my performance, and my growth.

When I first started, just the idea of swinging around the pole freaked me out.  The whole "my feet are not safely planted on the floor" thing.  Then one day I actually was able to do the fireman and realized it really wasn't as bad as I'd thought.  **this is where my addiction started**

As I moved through the basic beginner moves, my fears of these slowly faded.  I gained confidence in what I was doing, and I wanted to do more.  So I went and decided to attempt some harder spins (the back hook, the hook and roll, the climb....)

And was hit in the face with fear.  This one was pretty hard actually, the idea of swinging backwards.  Just felt like a total loss of control to me.....I very much didn't like that.  So I struggled with the back hook for several months.  The hook and roll was the first move where I was sideways, and going into the spin, often times in the beginning I would just put my foot down.  It wasn't going to happen.  I'd fall. 

It's really hard to overcome these fears.  It takes constant will power and dedication, and every day saying "I will try this again tomorrow, no matter how scared I am"

And, eventually, you soar.

So, here I am.  Filled with some fear, over three moves.....but backed by determination. 

Move 1: The Basic Invert

  Ok, I can actually do this....I can go from standing on my feet, to them being up on the pole over my head.  AFTERWARDS, is where the fear comes in.  I start to feel this sense of "I made a horrible mistake".  I start to slide down.  Because I am scared to move my arms and stabilize myself in this position.  I know the floor is just a foot or two below me....and could probably just let one hand go, put it on the ground, and go into a backwards handstand. (In my opinion a very nice way to dismount from an invert if you aren't able to do a controlled let down)

But I don't.  I stay fearful.  And then I panic a little, only a little.  Mostly I just allow the slide to happen, while cursing myself. 

I mean, why can't I just LET GO?  I think this will take me a bit of time to get comfortable with...the idea of falling on my head is very bothersome to me.
 

Move 2: The Layback/Plank

Again, I can do this, and I'm really proud of myself for contorting into this position on my own.  But, even though I can do it, going into it requires some serious mental pep talk.  Then, once I get up on the pole, and get my wrist in position, I find I'm filled with fear again.  Why?  Because I have to let go with my top hand, move it down the pole, to allow myself to fully lay back.  O.o

I managed to do this four times today, decently.  But every time my hand had to let go of the pole, I swore I was having a mini heart attack....in the back of my hand I was thinking "you are gonna fall and break your ass!"  I didn't fall.  And my hand was only off of the pole for a millisecond each time, but still....fear fear fear. 

I'm pretty confident that in a few weeks, if not days, I will be doing this with no issues, but right now, man....it's a stressor!



Move 3: The Wrist Seat

I think that theoretically I should be able to pull off this move, seeing as it's really only slightly different from the layback.....But, out of the three moves, this is the one I can't even bring myself to attempt.  Here's what happens:

I get onto the pole, I get into a pike sit.  I put my wrist in place, and slowly lean back.  I feel a slight tug on my legs, about 1/2 inch apart, and I immediately go back to pike, lower my top hand, and work on my layback.  :/

This frustrates me to no end.  I want this pose.  After the layback, it's probably my next favorite (visually).  But here I am, too afraid to even try to really open my legs up.  It makes me want to slap myself and say "snap out of it!"  Of course, I don't, but the urge is there.

This move....this is gonna take me a bit. 

Planking on the Pole

Hanging on my wall right next to my pole, I have a list of moves that I want to gain mastery in next.  A few I can already do, but I put them on list because the more I practice the stronger I get.  (For example the pole sit, builds serious leg muscle)

One of the poses that is right at the top of my list (because I think it's a gorgeous move) is the plank.

Now, this move takes a bit of work to get in to, you have to climb up, get into your sitting position (or go into a pike), once there you need to stabilize your lower body, and take one of your hands and place it under your bum, while your other arm remains in place.  At this point you will slowly start to lower your upper body down, into a plank position, until you are a straight line.

It really is quite gorgeous, as you can see....imagine her in a slow spin like this.  Beauty.

Last night I got the urge to mess around on the pole for a bit before bed.  I climbed up and sat for a bit, did my pike, and while up there I looked at my paper.  Taunting me.  I got down and shook my arms, prepping myself.  I was going to attempt this.

I climbed back up, went into pike, took a deep breath and steadied my support arm and let go with the other.  Holy crap, I was still up there!  I moved pretty quickly and placed my other hand below my butt and leaned back, so slowly and cautiously.  I stayed like that for about 15 seconds, then sat up, pulled up, did a quick v and lowered down.

I giggled.

Then I did it again.

And again.

And then I called my husband in to the game room and showed him.  He was impressed :)

It felt really good to accomplish this.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to find time to pole today so I didn't get to work on it, or throw it in during a dance.  So, I'll do that tomorrow, and maybe convince husband to take a picture of me (I do not look as lovely, or as straight, as the woman in the photo, but it's still WAY more than I could do)

Once I have the plank down, and feel totally confident in this, I will attempt the wrist sit

I'm pretty sure most people actually accomplish this before they do the plank, and that was my original desire, but when I went up on the pole last night and started to open my legs, my brain just screamed "NOOOOOPE".....it was kinda scary, so obviously I need to mentally work up to this one.  Much like the back hook spin, I just had to get past that mental block of going backwards. 

It Was A Good Day



I decided that I need this sign for my game room....especially since in the next few months I'll have 2 poles in there, and my husband is showing interest in poling with me (yes, that excites me, lol)

 

Caution: PoleZone

Watch Out For Aerial Artists

 

Today was a good pole day.  I was shocked a bit because last week was a rough week for me.  I couldn't seem to get inspired to actually dance much, so I pretty much spent most of my time working on moves and doing pole strength training.  Then by Friday I was so exhausted it was difficult to do much of anything in terms of finding motivation...I did like a 30 minute bullshit workout that ended with a very goofy pole selfie. 

I took Saturday and Sunday off to be a lazy person, and stuffed my face with all kinds of unhealthy nonsense....

So, it was shocking when I went to pole today and 1. I wasn't exhausted after my warm up, and 2. I was motivated to actually do it.  I think my body needed the break.  It still gets me how much of a work out this is on my body...because, while yes, I feel sore after, during the work outs I seem to zone out and not realize what the hell I'm doing to myself.

Last week I finally nailed my inversion, like, really nailed it.....but, I am not strong enough yet to move my arms to a more stable position, and so I just kinda slide down while moving my legs (this really works your abs, by the way).  So, of course, I started out my work out by going "what the hell, let's see if I can still invert....."....I did.  Right off the bat, no momentum or anything, just booop, legs are up there wrapped around the pole! 

Made my day!

I'm still extremely irked with my arm strength and not being able to stabilize myself (I think this will be a combination of thigh grip and an elbow grip, which I don't have down yet)....but, I told my husband, while I'm irritated and want it so bad, two weeks ago I couldn't even do a proper invert.  I was basically just using a hell of a lot of momentum to hoist myself up, and then my toes touching and falling on my ass.  But NOW....

So I know it will come.  Just gotta keep at it.

This is a huge reason I love poling so much.  It's a challenge, but you see progress so quickly, so it pumps up your motivation to keep going.  Sometimes, I really need that motivation, I really need that small sign of progress.  It's frustrating when I feel like I've put in all this work with nothing to show.....

It only went up from there.  I did some climbing, which turned into climbing up, sitting, and just hanging out for a bit each time.  Then I would climb up, grab and pull, do a v, go to a pike, pull back up, do another v, then slowly lower myself to standing.  I did that a few times.....um, yeah...my upper body has had some serious growth!  Three months ago I couldn't even lift up onto the pole!!

I worked my abs some, then I danced for about 4 songs. 

Another great moment, I had been attempting the carousel spin ALL WEEK last week, and was so frustrated about not being able to do it.  After my warm up song (bringing sexy back) I started dancing and got the idea to go ahead and give it a whirl...annnnnd I nailed it.  I did it a few more times during that song, each time pulling it off. 

Yes....today was a great pole dancing day! 

The Journey is Mine, and Mine Alone

Ehhhh....so I didn't work out this weekend.  Saturday I spent time with friends, and  I had planned on getting on the pole today for at least a short amount of time, but frankly I was lazy and decided to bum around the house with my husband.

In my weekend of leisure, I have found myself contemplating a few things.  It mostly was brought on when I was discussing my pole dancing to a woman, and I made a joke about how I assumed stripping was easy.....(I replaced "pimpin'" with "strippin'" and sang "strippin' aint easy" haha!)
She found the conversation amusing, however I was struck with this thought that it seems like everyone needs to define this.  Even me is seems.  Just about every aspect of it.

There are so many ways to describe what we do.  Pole dancing, pole fitness, aerial gymnastics, stripping, and the list goes on......Often times when I talk to people I don't know well, I say "pole fitness".  The joke around the house and with my more traditional family members, is "it's a FITNESS pole, NOT a STRIPPER pole....I keep my clothes on *wink*"

Because that's how it is.  The typical initial conversation.
"erm, Pole Girl, what's that?"
"oh, it's my pole!  for my pole dancing....such a great way to work out and very fun!"
"so....you're like...a stripper?"
".....no...."
"well, but that's a stripper pole, right??"
**lesigh**  "no, no, it's a fitness pole!  this is a serious sport, we have competitions and many would like to see it in the Olympics...."
**blank stare** "but, you're dancing on a stripper pole..."
"Ok, well, yes, many people, myself included, use this pole to dance,....SOME people wear heels, dance around and remove their clothes....OTHER people wear ballet shoes or barefeet and keep their clothes on.  I keep my clothes on and use my bare feet."
"oh ok, I think I get it...."

And that's it.  The asinine conversation that I have with many people....in some attempt to explain what the fuck I'm doing every day with the pole in my game room.

Then, there is the conversation where people just flat out try to force their vision of pole dancing onto me.  Mostly this is guys....talking about how women who pole dance are "so sexy".  Now, see, this....this actually bothers me more than the aforementioned conversation.  Because with their categorization of this act being "sexy" I am now placed in a place of judgement ie, do you consider me sexy?

Well, no.  Not likely, because I'm bigger than what most guys consider to be the societal image of sexy.  I mean, what the fuck ever, I rock the shit out of my pole and my husband finds me sexy as hell....but I dislike being forced into this.  This, objectification.  This almost requirement that I am doing MUST be sexy.

Look, I'm going to lay it out there.  What I do, I do not consider it to be sexy.  I'm not THAT kind of dancer.  If you are, or if you know someone who is, I'm all for it.  But that is not my personal style.  And, when you say something to me, about it being sexy, or how I'm sexy, it instantly fucks me up.  I go from a situation of amazing empowerment, self confident woman getting an incredible work out and building serious muscle, to questioning why you think what I'm doing is sexy.....

I mean, my focus is not on the floorwork.  I do it occasionally, but seriously, you're more likely to see me working on my releve, saute and plies than bouncing my ass.  I want the aerial, the poses, the progression in my "art". 

And, that is ok.  Cause that's me.

And it is ok if you are not that kind of pole dancer.

But, please don't force your ideal that all pole dancers must be sexy vixens, and I won't force my vision of being an aerial goddess. 

Because, in the end, it's all about our own personal journey on the pole.  Our own quest to our inner dancer, whatever type that is...be is sexy, acrobatic, or classical.   

Pushing Hard

I started my pole journey during the last few days of Febraury, so roughly 3 months ago. 
In that time, I have lost about 20lbs.
I have lost a few inches on my waist.


I have a hard time looking at how far I've come, instead focusing on all that I still need to accomplish.
Logically, I'm aware that I just cannot hop onto the pole and pull off moves like the Gemini or Ayesha yet. 
However, my heart desperately wants that to be false.  My heart, I have found, wants to live on the pole.  It wants to climb up and never come down.
I'm quite happy doing my (limited) thing on the pole.

And so, in three short months, I've mastered the beginner moves.  I set my sights on mastering the inversion. 
I have worked hard on my abs (that nobody can see, because they are under some fat, but that's ok because they ARE there, lol)
Worked on pulling my legs up into my chest, while holding on.
Working on fanning out my legs, higher and higher.
Worked on my grips.
Worked, and worked, and worked.

I finally got my right foot up onto the pole about 2 weeks ago.  Not much, just barely the toe, and immediately my legs dropped.
But, there I was for a moment in time (however brief it was), in an inversion.
I knew it wasn't good enough (for me).
I kept practicing.
Yesterday I got my whole right leg onto the pole in a proper leg placement!  My body stayed up long enough for my left leg to follow up AND attack itself to the pole.
However, by the time this happened, I started to slide down.

I was elated.  I feel that I am close to it.
Really close to it.
Close to flipping upside down and staying there long enough to sturdy my hold.


But, I found that my desire to do more than just work on my inversion (or climbs, or whatever) is lacking.  I have to interest in dancing lately.  I just want to work on the rest.
I think I need to take a break, a breather.
I'm doing that this weekend, just relaxing....ok, maybe just one day.

I love my pole, I love how my body is moving.

Just sitting on the pole :)

Working on the Pike.  Currently one of my favorite spins/sits

My spin out of the pike sit :)  As you can see, I'm all smiles for my hubby (the cameraman)

His favorite.  1. you can see my Harley tattoo, and 2. he likes the way I'm looking over my shoulder.

Handstand Poses 6/4/2014 (flexibility training)

I had my husband take a few photos of me doing some of my bridge work from a handstand.
I do these every day as part of my warm up, and my hope is that in a few months when I redo the photos (September) I will see improvement in my flexibility.  I would just like to state that when I started my poling adventure in February, I couldn't even get into a handstand.  With daily practice, I am able to easily and quickly enter a handstand with no issues, and maintain it for 30-40 seconds (I count).  Working on the bridge seemed like an easy task, just allowing my legs to fall, however I have found out that it requires a great deal of core strength to enter these poses, hold these poses, and fluidly exit them.  (as you just don't want to plop down) 

Personally, I feel that the best dismount is to slowly lower the legs and enter into a plank, lower onto the back and then do a log roll, leg sweep up to kneeling and a kneeling leg spin up to standing.  Or, if you're just messing around like I was here, a controlled dismount with a nice body roll up will suffice ;)

Ok, so these are my starting base on my handstand poses.  With practice comes progress, so hopefully I'll have some great improvements within a few months!  My desired result will be to have my toes touching the top of my head, or extremely close to that.



Partial Bridge

My left leg isn't nearly as low as I'd had hoped, but I have a decent hook with my right foot.

 

 

Full Bridge

 

Side view

I personally love my legs in this photo ;)  You can really see my calf muscles!

 

 

Rear View

You can see that I have moved my head past the pole in this photo, creating more of a curve in my body.  Also, in this photo my legs are not closed together as in the side view.  Please disregard my thigh bruises, as they come with the territory of pole dancing :) 

 

Bow and Arrow:





My arch isn't as wide as I'd like, and I'm hoping to get my left leg closer to the ground, in order to create a more "bow and arrow" look.  I work this by doing the stretch in this move, as well as doing deep lunges.

 

 

Moving Up

Ok, so I haven't really been as active on here as I had originally anticipated.  I got on here tonight wanting to post some thoughts, and then it occurred to me that I need to start making this a more serious venture.  If I want to properly document my journey.

So, to catch up from the last time I wrote, I'll just state that I have all the basic beginner moves down.  I can easily, and readily, do the fireman, the martini, the stag/attitude, the Hollywood, and do basic combinations of these (so, like, a fireman into a stag, or a martini into a fireman...)  I can do the open leg front hook, the back hook, and I'm forgetting something here, but I can do it :P

More recently I actually climbed the pole, which was huge for me.  Can't even begin to explain  how great I felt when I did that!  My thigh grip is increasing, to the point that I can now hole a basic pole sit for a few moments. 

I added handstands to my warm up and can now hold them for extended periods, I can do the "L" with my legs and lower back.  When doing the handstand up against the pole I can complete a decent bow and arrow, a decent handstand Gemini, as well as a pretty rocking middle air split.

****Update Over****

I started to get pretty frustrated the past few days.  I have reached a point of mastery with the basic beginner moves, so the next obvious step is to begin my advancement into the intermediate beginner moves. 

This made me feel like I just started.  Like I took a huge step back and was at square one.  Yeah, I can do all the firemans, open hooks, and climbs I want, but there is this long and daunting list of moves I can't do yet. 

Intermediate moves I'm attempting to master (this is NOT me)

I have a basic inversion, kind of....I mean, I can do it, but staying that way is going to take practice.
I already stated that I can do the handstand stuff
OH, and I can do the reverse attitude and the open hook slide.

But, yeah, long list of "to do" here.


I was getting a little bit irritated.  Today I was dancing and decided to attempt a v spin.  I refused to go into that with the split grip hold, as it makes my lower arm feel like it'll snap in half (need to work my triceps more).  So I just used the reverse baseball grip and actually pulled it off.  It was a HUGE mood booster for me!  I loooooooove doing something new and it working!

So that's how my hand placement was.  My legs weren't that high up (not yet) but my toes WERE pointed!  Years of dance class as a child, that stuck with me, you point your toes!  ha!

With the success of the v spin and the reverse baseball grip, I decided to go full insanity and attempt the cradle spin.  Oh man it was a mess!  BUT, I actually, kinda, did it, in the sense that my body was OFF the ground and sideways.  The first attempt was actually my best, my others were....well....hahaha...oh my.  Less cradle and more falling down :P 
Here is Robyn Rooke demonstrating:

Ok then!  Long post, but it's been a long time since I last updated on here! 
Hopefully I'll be posting on a more regular schedule now :)