Fear

Unfortunately, I'm filled with it when it comes to poling, and it really affects my performance, and my growth.

When I first started, just the idea of swinging around the pole freaked me out.  The whole "my feet are not safely planted on the floor" thing.  Then one day I actually was able to do the fireman and realized it really wasn't as bad as I'd thought.  **this is where my addiction started**

As I moved through the basic beginner moves, my fears of these slowly faded.  I gained confidence in what I was doing, and I wanted to do more.  So I went and decided to attempt some harder spins (the back hook, the hook and roll, the climb....)

And was hit in the face with fear.  This one was pretty hard actually, the idea of swinging backwards.  Just felt like a total loss of control to me.....I very much didn't like that.  So I struggled with the back hook for several months.  The hook and roll was the first move where I was sideways, and going into the spin, often times in the beginning I would just put my foot down.  It wasn't going to happen.  I'd fall. 

It's really hard to overcome these fears.  It takes constant will power and dedication, and every day saying "I will try this again tomorrow, no matter how scared I am"

And, eventually, you soar.

So, here I am.  Filled with some fear, over three moves.....but backed by determination. 

Move 1: The Basic Invert

  Ok, I can actually do this....I can go from standing on my feet, to them being up on the pole over my head.  AFTERWARDS, is where the fear comes in.  I start to feel this sense of "I made a horrible mistake".  I start to slide down.  Because I am scared to move my arms and stabilize myself in this position.  I know the floor is just a foot or two below me....and could probably just let one hand go, put it on the ground, and go into a backwards handstand. (In my opinion a very nice way to dismount from an invert if you aren't able to do a controlled let down)

But I don't.  I stay fearful.  And then I panic a little, only a little.  Mostly I just allow the slide to happen, while cursing myself. 

I mean, why can't I just LET GO?  I think this will take me a bit of time to get comfortable with...the idea of falling on my head is very bothersome to me.
 

Move 2: The Layback/Plank

Again, I can do this, and I'm really proud of myself for contorting into this position on my own.  But, even though I can do it, going into it requires some serious mental pep talk.  Then, once I get up on the pole, and get my wrist in position, I find I'm filled with fear again.  Why?  Because I have to let go with my top hand, move it down the pole, to allow myself to fully lay back.  O.o

I managed to do this four times today, decently.  But every time my hand had to let go of the pole, I swore I was having a mini heart attack....in the back of my hand I was thinking "you are gonna fall and break your ass!"  I didn't fall.  And my hand was only off of the pole for a millisecond each time, but still....fear fear fear. 

I'm pretty confident that in a few weeks, if not days, I will be doing this with no issues, but right now, man....it's a stressor!



Move 3: The Wrist Seat

I think that theoretically I should be able to pull off this move, seeing as it's really only slightly different from the layback.....But, out of the three moves, this is the one I can't even bring myself to attempt.  Here's what happens:

I get onto the pole, I get into a pike sit.  I put my wrist in place, and slowly lean back.  I feel a slight tug on my legs, about 1/2 inch apart, and I immediately go back to pike, lower my top hand, and work on my layback.  :/

This frustrates me to no end.  I want this pose.  After the layback, it's probably my next favorite (visually).  But here I am, too afraid to even try to really open my legs up.  It makes me want to slap myself and say "snap out of it!"  Of course, I don't, but the urge is there.

This move....this is gonna take me a bit.